The List
by Jannyxoxo
Summary: ((I know I uploaded this yesterday, but I changed it a bit)) Jac's making a list of people to invite to the wedding


**I know I put this up yesterday, but after I read it through once I uploaded it I saw so many mistakes so I done some corrections and also changed the ending, the characters are really bad, so sorry. Please R&R xx**

Jac drummed her fingers on the table, while trying to think of other people she would be able to add to the list. She looked back it, for some reason expecting there to be more names written down, but of course there wasn't. She was slightly annoyed that she couldn't think of anyone, but she knew this was going to happen.

Jonny had given her almost two weeks to make a list of people she wanted to invite to their wedding, and she had left it to last minute to start, trying to put it off for as long as possible. Now, however, she had to do it, as Jonny wanted them to start writing invites tomorrow, as they both had a day off. He had planned almost everything already, as Jac couldn't seem to get her head around the idea that she would soon be marrying that Scottish nurse, who was in fact the most irritating man she had ever met. Three months, two weeks and one day to be precise. And she still had only a few work colleges who she wanted to invite, and she was sure they would be people that Jonny would invite anyway.

She looked down at the list again and sighed. She was getting nowhere with this and it was frustrating her immensely. This was one of the only reasons she could think of why not having a family was a problem; embarrassment and questions. The only other reason she had managed to think of was that Jonny was constantly going on about how he wanted to meet them, something which was impossible.

She got up from the table and went to make a drink, trying to distract herself from the pity she was beginning to feel for herself, and the worry of what questions Jonny would through her tomorrow. Maybe she could just make up an address and then, when they didn't actually turn up at the wedding, pretend that there must have been a misunderstanding... or maybe she could tell him the truth. She shook her head, what was she thinking. She defiantly could not tell Jonny now, 1) he would be extremely cross she hadn't told him before now and 2) He would more likely then not leave her and she would be left alone once again.

Jac was so wrapped up in her own thoughts she didn't hear the door quietly open and close again.

"What's this," a voice said behind her, causing Jac to jump and spill boiling water on her hand. She immediately ran it under the cold tap, and turned around. She saw Mo, holding the list in her hand.

"Why to people feel it necessary to creep up on me all the time," she muttered, although Mo still heard.

"Sorry. You need to chill though. Why are you so..." she paused, trying to think of something to say that Jac, hopefully, wouldn't have a go at her for saying "... Un-Jac like today? And referring back to me earlier question; what's this?"

She held up the list and turned it around to show Jac the front, where she had written down 3 names, over an hour ago. Jac turned off the tap and carefully dried her hand off, assess the damage to it.

"I'm not un-Jac like, as you put it, I'm fine. And that's just... a list." She knew from the way Mo looked at her, that she clearly wanted more of an answer than that, but she couldn't come up with a good enough excuse that Mo would believe. She thought for a moment, and decided to agree with her that she defiantly was quite unlike herself today which she was of course putting down as a result of having the pressure of the wedding and the list.

Mo frowned for a moment, clearly thinking, before her brain clicked, that Jac was of course making a list of people she would like to invite to the wedding. "Why don't you have your parents down, your any family as a matter of fact? Don't tell me, let me guess. The ice queen really is as heartless as they say and feels embarrassed about marring a lowly nurse, and doesn't wish form her family to think any less of her because he doesn't meet their standards. Oh Jac, I really thought you were better than that, but you never fail to surprise me, hey."

Jac shook her head. "Mo, you have completely the wrong end of the stick, okay. It's really not like that."

"Okay, so what's it like, because I don't want my best mate marrying some consultant who is too embarrassed to be seen with him."

"I'm not going to tell you, so you might as well drop it," she said calmly, although calm was the last thing she felt. She knew she was close to letting everything pour out, and the last person she wanted to know was Mo. Well actually she could think of worse people to know then Mo, but the last person she actually could stand to some degree.

"Let me guess then. The Ice witch that is Jac Naylor, isn't inviting her parents because she doesn't have any, they left the poor little girl, when she was merely a small girl, because they had realised what a terrible thing she would become. She was left all alone in the big world, and now she hasn't even bothered to tell her soon to be husband. How terribly tragic." Mo laughed, and then looked at Jac, waiting for some response.

Jac had turned around, and was looking out the window which looked upon the hospital car park. She knew Mo had only meant it as a joke, but it had hurt. A lot. More than Mo would ever understand. She spoke quietly, not really realising she was speaking al all, until she had finished.

"It must have been my fault, of course. That's what I thought about every day, cried myself to sleep about every night, worried about finding out the answer to whenever they wanted to speak to me. It couldn't have been their fault could it, because everyone is perfect compared to me, and everyone feels sorry for the parents that belonged to me didn't they. They got the sympathy, because they had to put up with me. They only answer I could ever come up with was that there was something so fundamentally wrong with me, and now I know that there is." She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, but she didn't care, she was just furious with herself for speaking, for saying those things she had kept in for so long.

Mo froze; she didn't really know how to respond. Jac had just opened up to her, something she was sure was a near impossibility. And she had made a fool of herself, but how was she to know that what she had said was something that had actually happened, something which was true... ish. She looked back at Jac who was waiting for the kettle to boil, as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn't just spilt out her life worries.

She moved over to Jac, wanting to apologise and know more about what she had said, try and understand what Jac had meant. She was still holding the list when she got to Jac, but placed it down on the side, not wanting to torment her anymore than she already had.

"Jac, I didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything. I didn't know."

"Yeah, well I'm used to it; can we drop it now, please?"

She hadn't told Mo to drop it, she and asked, as if giving up for now. "Maybe if you spoke about it, it would make you feel better. Does Jonny know any of it?"

"No, Jonny certainly does not know about it, he would leave me if he knew, so he never will find out, because, even though I hate to admit it, I can't have him leave me."

Mo frowned. "Why would Jonny leave you? I'm sure it wouldn't matter to him, his doesn't see his parents much either you know"

"Yes, I do know that, but it's different isn't it. He doesn't see them _much. _I haven't seen my mum in ages, and I would have seen her even less if she hadn't come crawling back to me because she was dying anyway. And as for my dad," she shrugged, finishing there. Mo could guess the rest if she really wanted to know.

"Your mums dead?"

Jac laughed. "Oh, god, I wish. Nah, I made a stupid mistake, even when I think of it now, I still hoped she had changed, but of course she hadn't. People don't do they."

Jac went to the table, taking her drink and her list with her. She grabbed the pen she had been using earlier and began thinking of other people she could write down. It was utterly useless, she had no-one.

Mo took the seat opposite Jac and watched her for several seconds, before voicing a question that had been bugging her since the beginning of their conversation. "What did she do? Your mum I mean. What did she do to make you hate her so much?" She knew it was a risky question from the glare she got from Jac. There was no response from her, which made Mo think that Jac wasn't going to give one.

"Just the usual stuff, you know," she started. "Wouldn't let me stay out, moaned at me for my grades, buggered off to India and left me when I was twelve, got stressed when I always asked for money all the time." Jac shrugged, hopping the mention of her mum leaving wouldn't be picked up by Mo, but of course it had.

"What do you mean she buggered of to India and left you when you were twelve?" She knew Jac would make a sarcastic comment about what she had asked, and as if on cue Jac answered.

"I mean she took me to Africa when I was twenty. What do you think I mean, you idiot."

Jac took a drink from her mug, she really didn't want to explain everything, but she knew know questions would just keep coming now.

"You know what I mean Jac, why did she leave, what actually happened?"

Jac shrugged, "I've been looking for that answer for ages, I don't have one if I'm honest. Probably her partner made up some lie about me. He was a freak like that." She heard he voice quiver, the memory one she had tried to forget for so long.

"Jac?"

"He... he used to..." She couldn't let herself say that word, she had never admitted it to anyone, they wouldn't believe her. She felt the tears welling up again, trying to push them away was useless, they were too close to the surface now. Mo placed a hand on Jac's and watched her, not wanting to think the thing she was had actually happened to someone she knew. Jac looked at Mo, seeing the words floating in the air. Knowing Mo was thinking them, she nodded, conforming what Mo hoped not true. The tears rolled heavily down her cheeks. She couldn't get it out of her head. It replayed over and over, and wouldn't stop.

"Jac, it's okay, it happened and you can't change that, but you got over it. You're still here and it proves how much you can get through."

Jac shook her head, Mo didn't understand. "I'm not over it, I can't get over it. It replays over and over in my head, driving me mad. I just want to forget but I can't. When she came back it replayed in my head so much more, and I needed her so much more. But no-one ever believes you when you're a care kid."

"I'm sure someone did, they must have."

"Of course they don't They never really care. If you get beat up just a little, they turn their heads and pretend they don't notice. If you get mucked about with just a little bit, they'll never really pay attention. There's so many big things they have to worry. But what they don't know is that it isn't the big things that get you in the end, it's the little things. Someone whacks you once every day, touches you every night, just for being alive, that hurts a lot worse than being knocked half to death once."

They sat in silence, both thinking about what Jac had just said, "So you don't want to see her then? You don't want her to come?"

Jac shook her head. "No, I guess not. Some things you quit wishing for, and after a while their gone. There completely gone and you don't even the memory of wanting them anymore."

"But you did, didn't you?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, but not anymore. I don't need her, these are my family, these are the people who really care, the ones who really matter." Indicating to the list, Mo took it and picked up the pen.

"If you want a list of your family, you want a list of people who really care," she said, picking up the pen. "Let me add some more."

Jac finished her drink and waited for Mo to finish writing. She took the list back when Mo had defiantly finished and read it through. The top five things the ones she had written, but the rest were names Mo had added, ones she believed where there for her. And she agreed, these people really were there for her

_Elliot_

_Sacha_

_Michael_

_Serena_

_Mo_

_Hansen_

_Harry_

_Ollie_

_Chantelle_

_Sharon_

Mo and Jac left the staffroom, Mo to return to work and Jac to go to the locker room to put the list in Jonny's locker. Jac smiled as she entered the room, making her way over to Jonny's locker. She felt better, happier and now knew that people really did care about her. She realised she had a great guy who wanted to marry her, and no matter what had happened to her, he wouldn't leave her, she just had to find the right time to tell him. After placing the list in Jonny's locker, she took her phone out and wrote a text and sent it to Jonny. She looked out the glass to the nurse's station where Jonny had just taken his phone.

He had one new message from Jac. He opened it and read it quickly, aware that he shouldn't be spending time on his phone while on shift.

_Let's go out for a meal after work. I need to talk to you about something important. Love you so much, Jac xx_

He smiled and looked towards to locker room where he saw Jac watching him. Their eyes met and a large smile grew on her face, she really did love him.

**This is super bad, but I really wanted to write it. Both Jac and Mo are really out of character, so I apologise for that. I will be updating my other fics soon, so please don't stop reading them, just have writes block **** Please review xx**


End file.
